The first thing to know is that there is more than one kind of love. C. S. Lewis explored this topic in his book The Four Loves, distinguishing between Affection, Friendship, Eros, and Charity. Each type of love is unique, with its proper characteristics, strengths, and potential pitfalls.
The first type of love is Affection (storge). Even animals show Affection. It usually occurs between parents and children. It is a natural and instinctual bond that often comes with habitually spending time together and it fosters a sense of security and belonging. But Affection can also appear somewhat randomly, such as when a young child develops an affection for the older next-door neighbor who may barely know the child exists.
The second type of love is Friendship (philia). Friendship is the least natural of the loves. Unlike Affection, which is often based on proximity or familiarity, Friendship is a bond formed by choice, often based on a common pursuit or interest, such as a hobby or intellectual interest. While friendships are not necessary for survival, they deeply enrich our lives.
The third type of love is Eros, or romantic love. “Being in love” in this way is characterized by desire, longing, and intimacy between partners. It can involve sex, but you can have sexuality without Eros. Eros desires the beloved as a whole person. When a man has Eros for a woman, it is she that he wants, for her own sake. It is not a desire for womanhood in the abstract. In Eros, no other woman will do but the beloved (and vice versa). Lewis cautions that Eros, when divorced from its higher purpose and pursued selfishly, can lead to objectification, possessiveness, and ultimately disappointment.
The fourth and last form of love is Charity (agape). This is the highest form of love. It is not an emotion but a choice of will. It is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional, seeking the other person’s well-being. Unlike the other loves, which are natural and instinctual, Charity is considered the most divine and supernatural, reflecting the love of God for humanity. We can show Charity to strangers, even to enemies. Lewis argues that agape transcends human limitations and extends to all people, regardless of their deservingness or reciprocation.
There is a tremendous difference in approach between atheism and Christianity when it comes to the grounds of love.
What is love in atheism? An accident. It is the by-product of altruistic behavior that helped our ancestors pass their genes to the next generation. It can also be a coping mechanism to distract us from the existential horror of being in a meaningless universe. Love makes no difference because, in the long run, you and everyone you love will die and be forgotten, just like people who choose to hate will die and be forgotten. Love should operate within a moral framework, but if there are no objective values and love is merely a human construct, it loses its ethical dimension. Instead of love being at the heart of existence, in atheism, there is a primordial but amoral violence. As Richard Dawkins put it, “The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference” (Dawkins, River Out of Eden, p. 133).
What is love in Christianity? It is part of the very fabric of existence. God is the source of all that exists, including love. God is not simply someone who is good, but goodness itself; not merely someone who is loving but love itself: “God is love” (1 John 4:8). That means love is not merely something God does, but what He is.
God is love because He is a Trinity. All love requires three things: a lover, a beloved, and the relationship between them. If God were a single Person, He could love others, but He would not be love. Because God is a Trinity, Father, Son, and Spirit exist as a community of love. In fact, creation itself is an act of grace that expresses God’s love. God did not need to create. And even now, our existence from moment to moment depends upon the sustaining creative activity of God.
God exemplifies all the different forms of love: Affection to His children (1 John 3:1); Friendship to His friends (John 15:15); the Eros of a Husband to His wife (Revelation 19:7); and, most of all, Charity to the underserving (Romans 5:8).
Since God created all things, His love defines what it objectively means for us to be good. Just as the Father loves the Son who loves the Spirit, we were created in His image to love one another. That is our command, but it is also our future. As many Christians have noted, the Song of Solomon is a picture of the love of God for man, which anticipates that our enjoyment of God’s love in heaven will be more ecstatic than the most intimate love we experience on earth. Christianity makes all the difference to love.
When people ask, “What is love?” the question behind the question is often, “Does anyone love me?”
If that is your question, then you should know the answer: God loves you and made you to enjoy His love forever.
God proved His love through Jesus:
But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).
God sent Jesus died for you, so that, if you believe in Him, you will have everlasting life:
For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).
God’s love will never disappoint you. On the contrary, all who love Him are made happy by their love of Him.
This question is taken from Google’s Top 100 questions about religion.
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