I was speaking to a young father after church. He was visiting after being away for several years and remembered that as he attended church as a youth, he had struggled with things no one ever talked about. “I was an addict,” he confessed.
“Drinking?”
“No, I was a pothead,” he explained. “But I couldn’t talk to anyone about it.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because it was hush-hush. You didn’t talk about it. But I’m telling you, people were struggling in there. I had a buddy who had been doing drugs since he was eight!”
“They didn’t talk about doing drugs in church?”
“No. They’d say, ‘Don’t do it.’ But, like, the people were all judgy. So, it was just something I did in private.”
He explained that smoking pot had consumed years of his life as he used it to deal with emotional challenges and pains. It was not until he started attending a different church that things began to change for him.
“What was different about that church?”
“They were accepting,” he said.
“They accepted smoking pot?”
“No, I mean, they were accepting of me. I could talk to the pastor about it. They weren’t judgy. And they genuinely cared, even though I was an addict.”
“So, just being open about the problem helped.”
“Yes.”
“And not making you feel condemned helped.”
“Yes. And, like, they taught the Bible. I never learned anything as a kid. Nothing. Hearing the Bible made a huge difference. I recognized I did have a problem with pot and started to get the help I needed. You have to want to get the help. Otherwise, nothing will change. When I started therapy, I learned about all my triggers. That was important. That was key.”
He went on to tell me more of his story, which I will not share here. The point is that here was a young Christian struggling with a sin he did not feel comfortable telling anyone in church about. Church—the very place that should be a hospital for sick sinners! The place that should be most open and honest about struggling with and fighting against sin!
John wrote this about being honest about our sins:
If we say, “We have not sinned,” we make him a liar, and his word is not in us (1 John 1:10).
If that is true, why would we lie about sinning and pretending that our lives are perfectly obedient?
In talking to that young father, I wonder how we could create a culture in Free Grace churches where people seek help for their sins rather than hide them in shame.
Here are some of the ingredients:
When the church becomes a place where grace meets honesty, it will transform into a refuge of healing rather than a place for living in denial and shame.m.
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Send your questions or comments to shawn@freegrace.in.
Read his latest book, The Five Points of Free Grace for free, buy it from us, or from Amazon.
